September 25, 2008
On a fast speed train
Met Noorman and Kelvin yesterday and am so thankful to them for helping me clear my confusion about the Eurail pass. And for suggesting itinerary and choco-brands-dropping. It already sounded yummlicious, judging from the look on Noorman's face. Who can fault a tub of Movenpick ice-cream for 4Euros?
I've been spending a lot more time on firming up the details of my trip this November. I've placed a hold on the air tics and my Swiss holiday package is more or less confirmed. I just need to sort out the most financially friendly option for the rail pass and settle on the accom, where possible. Then, looks like mummy and I are getting away! =)
It's really about networking, this trip taught me.
To start everything off, Emman helped me with a rough idea of which countries I should go. Junhao emailed me to give his input on Germany too. Then, Christian and Frederike came along to give their input as Germans (who actually don't travel within Germany a lot). Then, Noorman and Kelvin spent 2 hours helping me with the rail and telling me how the super confusing rail thingy works.
On the other hand, Kyn and Wenn are helping to keep me warm by sourcing and making winterwear for my mummy and me. Karen is on my list of "Loan-able From", for suitcases and all those winter accessories. So is Anna.
Suddenly, I feel touched by all these effort and the whole point is, I just have to enjoy this trip tremendously. Even if it cuts short the long way that my consistent frugality has come. Ya, TREMENDOUSLY.
Please, just let the Euros drop a bit, again, dear Fed govt...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:07
September 23, 2008
Just some delay
"You didn't know that you don't want it, until you know that you don't want it."
I'm thinking about this. 'Cos it just means that it's a trial and error thing. And, sometimes, with great risks involved.
But if you knew that you don't want it, does it mean that you don't want it ever? Could certain not-wants be waited out to become wants?
Or, how about, you knew that you want it, until you know that you actually don't?
See. That's the tricky thing. The balance. One in two, always goes the opposite direction. That's why perhaps, status quo is the safest. Not necessarily the best, but the safest. Until the shipment of faith arrives for you to make that leap with all your fingers crossed.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:11
September 18, 2008
Remember the last time...
One of the reasons why I don't like attending class reunions with my primary school classmates is that I don't know what to say when they start the "Remember last time..." memory game. Fact is, I don't remember last time very well. Specifically and generally. So, I would always be the one who tries to laugh at a funny childhood joke told too often, which I do not remember anyway. I got tired of this long walk down memory lane (that's at least 16 years long walk) and decided to avoid class reunions altogether.
But I'm not not sentimental. I vaguely recall someone dropped a comment in this blog a few months ago, saying I was sentimental? No? See, case in point. I do remember things, albeit vaguely.
Just watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy. Meredith was kinda depressed because she couldn't remember the last time Derek and her kissed when they were still happy together (before the return of the capable but once-unfaithful wife). Because she could not remember, she felt she has no memory, no hope, no reason to carry on. At the end of the episode, Derek described (in amazing details) their last kiss. He remembered what she had forgotten. I thought they would, you know, kiss and hug and and do all those cliche things. But, she just smiled. He walked away and she turned to walk away too.
Hullo?!?!?!? Anti-climax lahhh...
But, how true.
Sometimes, so what if you remember? So what if you freaking remember every freaking 'last time'? Does that make you a better person (cos of better memory)? Does that change anything at all, reverse the wheels of time, fill up the void from that forgetting, sew up the wound of regret? Does that take the 'last' away from the 'last time'?
For better or for worse, I find that I don't remember things very well nowadays. I still manage my work and my responsibilities fine. It's the sentimental, emotional and (haha) romantic things that I don't remember.
I might have said something really sweet at a time when the stars are all in the romance zone and yet, 24 hours need barely pass before I won't remember what I said. Likewise when I hear something really sweet and romantic.
"Really? Did I say that?" has become one of the top 20 things I say weekly, outside what I say at work.
*I should make a list of the top 10 things I say at work. That will be interesting.*
So, ya! I can't remember the last time too. After awhile, it will not even matter that you don't remember. Cos the truth is, it doesn't matter. Besides, somethings in life are really worth forgetting.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:03
September 17, 2008
News post
RIYADH — Under Islamic law, household mice and their cartoon counterparts — including Mickey Mouse — must be killed, according to a Saudi Arabian cleric.
Muslim cleric Sheikh Muhammad Munajid has claimed that the mouse is “one of Satan’s soldiers” and makes everything it touches impure. He warned that depictions of the creature in cartoons such as Tom and Jerry, and Disney’s Mickey Mouse, had taught children that it was in fact loveable.
The cleric, who was a former diplomat at the Saudi Embassy in Washington DC, was asked to give Islam’s teaching on mice during a religious affairs programme broadcast on al-Majd TV, an Arab television network.
According to a translation prepared by an American press monitoring service, Mr Munajid said: “The mouse is one of Satan’s soldiers and is steered by him.According to Islamic law, the mouse is a repulsive creature. How do you think children view mice today, after Tom and Jerry?”
.“Mickey Mouse has become an awesome character, though it should be killed in all cases.”
- The Daily Telegraph
>> haha... Poor Mickey n his friends... Bet they never imagined they would be religious sacrifices.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:05
September 16, 2008
A bald man
If a man is bald in the front of the head, he's a thinker;
if a man is bald at the back of the head, he's sexy;
if a man is bald all around the head, he's a man who thinks he is sexy.
courtesy of KarenI am so happy there's Karen, and Miche for all those socially unconstructive mornings n mid-day lunches. And she's just so good in educating me in erm, the worldly stuff about women. Occasionally, men too. Like above.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:34
Kyn's window
My mostest beloved woman of now.
Now, I have a pair of 'not too loud not too sissy not too macho' boots to wear for my trip!
*kiss kiss
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:06
September 14, 2008
Detox n reconstruct
I often see dreams as a process of good riddance to the excess (and mostly unconstructive) emotions or thoughts that we either consciously or subconciously put into our mind everyday. It's like mind-detox programme. Totally essential for our conscious sanity. Especially if the dream is so emotionally intense that you wake up feeling tired and spent instead of rested and recharged.
Sometimes, I find myself dreaming while still in a dream. That's, honestly, something that I've never quite been able to fathom till recent years. Then, I thought that if you know you are dreaming, maybe you can control the outcome of the dream. Well, at least, the intensity of it. Maybe then, I can make use of my own dreams to relieve me of certain emotional burdens? Or perhaps, even fulfil some secret wishes? Haha... *wink*
The point is, I take dreams quite seriously. Not 'serious' in the sense that I think they are reliable omens or glimpses into the future. I don't, at all, think so. But, 'seriously' as in, I try to think about what's the use of me having a particular dream, especially if the details are so fine and real that I can recall them hours after waking up. I try to understand what has been flushed from the sewage piping of my mind. Occasionally, I try to make myself believe in my own interpretation so that I can mark that rubbish as good riddance.
It's all quite fun. Tiring, once or twice. Nevertheless, like everything else, it just takes practice.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:49
Shakespeare's fantasy
5 years on and Weiyang still look as much a Romeo as he did when we were still IRC-ing. haha... Talking to him really felt like talking to a westerner now that he has been living and working in the States for so many years. It was a good catching up.
Strange that we were not particularly close or each other's regular chatter when we were irc-ing. But, somehow, bit by bit, slowly, we have maintained our friendship longer than those that I used to chat more with onscreen.
He spoke of a 5 years plan. I'm impressed.
Just that, why is everybody talking about x-year plans? I don't have any. But judging from how often I've been hearing this thingy, is it something that nearly-thirties do as a past time? I'm, still, just taking one thing, one step at a time. I think I'm just damn cool about life. haha...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 17:15
September 10, 2008
Always is so rare
The woman often says this: Be good. Behave. Be safe. Have fun.
I think it's cute. A girl who is (mostly) good, behaves well, keeps herself safe and above all, having fun.
I'm still thinkin... 'C' can be for so many other things, too...
xxx
Like, C for Conspiracy.
When everyone starts wanting to talk about the same topic at the same time. Everyone who doesn't know one another, but yet starts asking about the same thing. That's when you start to narrow your eyes and peer around you to see if there might be spies sneaking around you.
Eventually, it confuses you cos you don't know what you've said and to whom. So, you might end up telling a lot more than you would have intended.
Conspiracy means crap. Another C.
xxx
I think we will always argue about this. Because that's who we are. So, if we are prepared to argue and then, everytime after an argument, give each other some space to lay our differences to rest, perhaps... we will be just fine. And not get too tired.
Won't we?
Meanwhile, I will just keep bitching...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:09
September 09, 2008
Made it to the Oscars
Best leading actor: Kelvin Tan KK, aka GQ
Best performance: His wedding that he attended
He was not drunk enough. So, I told him to make one for the Oscars. But I think he was suitably high on alcohol around the time I left. So, was it the beerwinehardliquor combi? Or the Oscars?
In any case, my old pal has a whole rest-of-this-fucking-life to figure it out. Not forgetting, of course, fuck is exactly what got him into this mess. hahahaha....
What a Fuck-up!
And for gawd's sake, I was NOT bitchy at all holding the mic that afternoon.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:37
Woke up in time?
She made me do something that I have never (as far as I can remember) done in my life. It's just the way she said it. Like as if it's the most natural thing to do and the easiest. I didn't believe it one bit, mind you.
But I did it, perhaps for the first time in my adulthood. I did it by telling myself that she made me do it. I just kept telling myself to trust her that she's right and if she said it so simply, she must have done it herself and it was really OK. Not that difficult, at all.
So, I picked up the phone, called my dad and told him I was sorry for shouting at him on the phone earlier when he was just being his usual long-winded self.
Later, when I told her what I did and demanded to know she did the same before (and not just preaching and making it look easy) she laughed and said she had done something
similar before.
One of a kind. That's why her on-the-shelf-and-expiring-soon status is her own challenge. Find your own Journalist Henry yourself, Bblics. Or just keep skype-ing.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:27
September 05, 2008
Pushing it elsewhere
It is not that I'm not OK. In fact, the way I am, I'm perfectly in my perfect element. As far as I understand, that should mean I'm very OK.
I just do not know and can hardly account for how time has passed this week. Isn't this supposed to be the school holiday week? Didn't I almost so assuredly told some of my friends last week that I'm gonna have more time to catch up for this week?
But, Friday is passing me by now... minutes pushing the hour, pushing the day. And I have barely checked away the boxes of what I thought I would be able to. Not enough time for everyone, it seems. Not my parents, not my friends, not myself. Not enough sleep too. Or, maybe, that's enough. Just that I could always, always do with more. More sleep, more time and chances to dream that veryvery good dream.
As a result, I spend whatever time I have left to myself thinking about where time has gone. Inevitably, feeling puzzled and just slightly upset that this week continues to fly past me.
My irritability. Of course, I blame it on the hormones too.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:25
September 02, 2008
A carnival of illusions
The lasting crappy situation.
me: You know what you believe in. And I know what I don't believe in. And, they are the same thing. Which is why we are in such a crappy situation.
xxx
The new irony: the one who does not have any right to feel insecure, felt insecure.
xxx
I really can't look beyond more than a year ahead. There are just too many uncertainties.
5-years plan, 3-years plan? I invest one year at a time. One theme for each year. I think I'm doing fine, better, this way.
xxx
The kind that leaves you reminiscing about it for many, many hours after you woke up; the kind that makes you almost believing that reality is a dream and the dream was in fact, more real.
For my birthday, all I want is a very, very good dream.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 01:06
Apple's n Wenn's windows
I really appreciate the thought of Shaun wanting to cook for the birthday girl (and Apple too, since she said she will personally cook one dish). I really appreciate the thought, even if I sounded hesistant about another vege in oyster sauce soup. But, this time, really, let me handle the soup.
Thank you. For always being the friends "I will ever need in this life".
xxx
Mambo Matcha and Matcha latte, plus potato wedges that were really quite good in cheese dip.
A magazine to take notes from. A hilarious book about love and other near-death experiences, in a totally existential backdrop of things.
One discussion. About the changes in our course and the reasons for the change.
The rest, mostly, silence.
I will always want a lil bit more time like this afternoon. 'Will always' is a very optimistic future tense.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:57